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"Forgiveness: Not For Them, For You"

8 Dec 2023 09:58

Forgiveness has not always been something that I would freely give. As a child, it seemed like the right thing to do when someone was humble enough to say I'm sorry, but through the years it became something that I held on to with a grip so tight that it almost destroyed me. As a teenager and young adult, I struggled with forgiving my mother for abandoning me when I was just a baby, and for all the other acts of a mother that just never seemed to care or want me in her life. The first few times she asked, I gave forgiveness freely and somehow thought each time that it would be a new beginning and she would love me and want me in her life if I did so. After finding out that I was wrong on so may occasions it somehow hardened me to her pleas for forgiveness as I became an adult. I simply began to treat her as she had treated me for so long, and simply pretended she didn't exist in my world anymore! I thought this somehow gave me power and liberated me from the wrongs I had suffered at her hand because I wouldn't give her what she wanted. What I had to find out the hard way was that I wasn't in control at all! Denying my mother the forgiveness she sought only seemed to make me angrier as the years passed. It filled me with a hatred that ran deep and what I didn't realize until recently is that, I wasn't holding her hostage or making her suffer as I felt I was. The only person I was making suffer was me! The hatred and bitterness I held in my heart for her did nothing to stop her life from continuing on, but it did stop me! It stopped me from living a fulfilling life and from being the person and doing the things that I was meant to do in life for a very long time. You see, I wasn't hurting her at all. She went about her normal life every single day without a thought of me or a care at all as to what I thought and felt for her. For me however, it was a totally different story. I thought about her and the things she had done and pain she had caused every single day. I eventually turned to what I thought would make things better for me because it made me numb and the pain didn't seem so painful. Heroin promised me freedom from the pain and the hatred but before I realized it, the very thing that I had turned to, to stop my pain was causing it. At first, life seemed great and it seemed I didn't have a care in the world. Until one day I woke up without my new found love and realized that once gone, it was more pain than I could have ever imagined! These feelings in my body and the pain in my soul were so intense that I would do anything, anything to make it stop. I started doing illegal things to get the numbness back and stop the pain and ended up in prison for 5years. During this time, I was diagnosed as having PTSD, Bi-Polar II, Panic Disorder and Anxiety Disorder. WOW! What a list! I was really crazy after all! No wonder my own mother never loved me! It was me all along! I had to be unloveable and thats why she never wanted me! That's why I was never good enough! It wasn't her fault it was mine! Right? NO! WRONG! SOOOO WRONG! But for awhile that's what I thought.

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Welcome to "The Psychology Chick"

"Dark Empath" The Most Dangerous Personality!

Delving into Darkness: The Unsettling World of the Dark Empath

Introduction:

The Dark Empath Unveiled: Traits and Characteristics

Comparisons: Dark Empaths vs. Empaths and Narcissists

Escaping the Abyss: A Guide to Liberation

Coping with the Aftermath: Rebuilding and Healing

Conclusion:

The Gamma Female

The Delta Female

The Sigma Female

The Omega Female

The Beta Female

The Alpha Female

"Forgiveness: Not For Them, For You"

Lost in The Dark

The Gamma Female

The Delta Female

The Sigma Female

The Omega Female

The Beta Female

The Alpha Female

"Forgiveness: Not For Them, For You"

Lost in The Dark

The Gamma Female

The Delta Female

The Sigma Female

The Omega Female

The Beta Female

The Alpha Female

"Forgiveness: Not For Them, For You"

Lost in The Dark

Welcome to "The Psychology Chick"

Delving into Darkness: The Unsettling World of the Dark Empath

Introduction:

**The Dark Empath Unveiled: Traits and Characteristics**

**Comparisons: Dark Empaths vs. Empaths and Narcissists**

**Escaping the Abyss: A Guide to Liberation**

**Coping with the Aftermath: Rebuilding and Healing**

Conclusion:

The Dark Empath Unveiled: Traits and Characteristics

Comparisons: Dark Empaths vs. Empaths and Narcissists

Escaping the Abyss: A Guide to Liberation

Coping with the Aftermath: Rebuilding and Healing